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The tape finally popped out, Phil's hand was free, and thus the VCR was set to record and we were on our way. Our destination: Basketball game! The high school gymnasium where the sporting event was to be held was a big giant high school gymnasium. Phil and I were two of five sports fans seated in the bleachers that night. In order to beat the inevitable bumper to bumper traffic on the way out, we decided to leave four minutes into the game. Above a double doorway read a huge sign: "EXIT." This sign was enormous. I mean, it was freaking HUGE. "EXIT." If I were in a plane I couldn't miss this sign. My great-grandmother WISHES she could knit quilts this big. "EXIT," slapping me and Phil right in the face. We almost pushed the doors open when we heard an extremely baritone and angry voice from behind. "That is NOT an EXIT!" shouted a lean, mean, hardened-by-the-streets security guard. "GO ANOTHER WAY!" We stood our ground. Phil, fingers still bleeding, said "Well, that big huge sign that reads EXIT is kinda misleading." The underpaid authority figure drew nearer, but for some reason, spoke louder. "IF YOU EXIT THROUGH THOSE DOORS YOU WILL BE REMOVED FROM THESE PREMISES!" Page One Page Two Page Three |
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