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introduction
improvinovel #1
improvinovel #2
improvinovel #3
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improvinovel #21

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The House That Dripped Poo

I knocked on Phil's door.

His front door swung open, knocking me off his front porch and into the briar patch where he was born and raised. I looked back to the door, and there before me like a horrifying mummy, stood a horrifying mummy. Then it tore of its own face.

To reveal Phil.

Good costume, Phil. Let's go.

"Hang on," Phil replied to my inner monolog, "I have to set my VCR so I don't miss the weather."

Phil had a library of weather tapes. I browsed.

"Wow," I said, "you have the one from January 16th, 1984."

"That's one of my favorite ones," Phil stated proudly.

Phil had found a tape to record on, but when he tried to insert it into the VCR, it refused to go in. Phil proceeded to try and keep jamming the tape into the player over and over again, but insertion remained unsuccessful. He realized there was already a tape inside the VCR.

So I stood there, watching Phil in his struggle.

He pressed the eject button. Frustrated with VCRs that sit and whir for a few seconds before actually pushing the tape out, Phil grabbed a screwdriver in mid-whir and cracked open the top plate of the VCR, in an attempt to get the tape out faster.

This fiasco reminded me of the time, earlier that morning, that I mistakenly put on my shoes before putting on my pants. Either out of laziness or hastiness, I decided quickly to put on my pants over my shoes, so I wouldn't have to take my shoes off and then put them on again. This just caused more irritation as my shoes got caught inside my pants and I wound up having to take my shoes and pants off. But Phil was just being silly.

Since he hadn't unplugged the VCR, he was being electrocuted. Without warning, the psychotic VCR decided to release the tape from its clutches and Phil's fingers were being dragged by the VCR heads through the top of the VCR and out the front loader. Blood was squirting everywhere, and Phil was screaming louder than I perceived a mummy could scream.

So I stood there, watching Phil in his struggle.

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