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The queen suddenly became very animated. A rush of excitement and energy consumed her, as my present behavior would herald the first notably thrilling event to ever take place before her eyes. Flailing her arms wildly, drunk on power, she shouted to the Defibrillator Mounties, “Off with his qwerty head!” The Defibrillator Mounties were an unpopular but effective branch of the Queen’s Armed Brigade. They could use their defibrillators to incapacitate a subject, but then use the same defibrillators to revive that victim – only to incapacitate them again. This could go on for hours. Savages. Ironically, they were only unpopular due to Harold Brockenbrough’s negative portrayal of a Defibrillator Mountie in the 1978 film, When Will You Dance For Me, Billy Newbar, Billy Newbar, in which Brockenbrough wore ape makeup and a monkey tail. Well, they do resemble monkeys. A lot. Anyway, the defibrillators must have had low batteries because as they chased me on horseback from the Royal Court, they were throwing forks at me. It only took a single fork in the back of my neck to put me down for the count. As I lay there on my stomach, incapacitated by a fork, the Mounties circled my unmoving body, chanting “We want the funk.” The leader of the Mounties dismounted his horse and stepped toward me. He leaned down, flipped me over, and lifted my shirt, exposing my tattoo. I mustered enough energy to groan, “Get your filthy paws off me, you damn qwerty ape.” Page One Page Two Page Three |
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